Holding On
by Japanese Butterfly
Summary: Antonio has a lot going on in his life, his Papa leaving his family and he's going on his first date with Lovi. What is going on in this Spaniard's head. A oneshot to get back in the hang of things


**A/N: Thanks Goliath Beetle for reviewing, I tried to make some of the changes you asked, check The Goliath Beetle out when you have the chance, their writing is amazing and I love reading it! I don't write author's notes usually, so just enjoy the story :)**

Antonio couldn't remember a time where Lovino wasn't a part of his life (there was a time, he knows it because pictures and the fifteen years beforehand proves it), but he honestly doesn't want to remember. He wants desperately to believe Lovi was always there, had been there to comfort him when Papa left his family the first and second time instead of just the third (the last time Mama promises). He just doesn't remember a time when he wasn't with Lovi, wasn't holding his blushing (now less violent and maybe a tad more loving) tomate.

"I'm hanging up now, Papa"

"Don't even think about hanging up on me, Antonio! I'm your Papa, you have to listen to me!"

Antonio wants to just go back in time when he doesn't have to feel like every conversation with his Papa isn't a fight. But it's always been about control when it comes to Papa and he can't just give up and submit to anyone, especially this person.

Click

The phone conversation with Papa leaves him weak and tired. As he lays on his bed, staring at the ceiling, he wonders if it was worth it to even try. But he'll try again tomorrow, and the day after, until his Papa has enough and just turns his phone off. That's just one of the threats his Papa has dangling over Antonio's head, and it works. His phone is how he talks to Lovi, and if he can't hear Lovi's voice, he'd lose it.

He just has to ignore the hurt look Mama will give when he mentions the call (it's always his fault, couldn't he have just kept his damn mouth shut?). She couldn't lie to her when she asked who he was talking to, though. But is doesn't mean his chest doesn't tighten as he watches her eyes water.

When she leaves, he looks at his phone, controlling his anger so that he doesn't throw his phone across the room. His phone is such a fragile thing, it can't take the brunt of his anger and instead he stares at his homescreen of Lovi. After a while he gets up the courage, and before it leaves him, Lovi picks up the phone.

"What do you want, Bastard? You know better than to call me so late, Nonno wants me in bed at nine."

Nine is early to Antonio, with his school work and keeping Mama company, he doesn't sleep until eleven most nights and forgets that Lovi has a better sleeping schedule.

"Lo Siento, tomate. I was just on the phone with Papa and-"

"What the hell? You know better than to talk to that bastard, he treats you like crap!"

Antonio must be masochistic, because he can't stop talking to his Papa, just like no matter how much Lovi hits and curses at him, he'd never leave Lovi (but Lovi actually cares, and when was the last time Papa said I love you and meant it?).

"It's not your fault he's a bastard, so why are you acting so damn gloomy? Respond, dammit!"

Lovi's voice is full of worry he'd never admit, and Antonio feels a bit of warmth, like it may be okay, just for a moment.

Yet, Antonio can only keep silent, because all he's done was for nothing in the end. He was the one who reached out to Papa, and it didn't even accomplish anything, but bring pain. Antonio wants so badly to just agree with Lovi, that his father is a bastard and it's not his fault that everything is falling apart. So why did Papa leave near his birthday? Why didn't Papa at least try and make it work, instead of just leaving? He tried so hard to be good, to be happy and not cause problems.

It's technically their first date even after being officially together for a year and three (four?) months. Antonio and Lovino both had other 'dates', but hanging with Francis, Gilbert, Matthew, and Arthur (and whoever else they asked to hang out with them) wasn't really a date. It was just them hanging out with friends, and most of the time Lovino wouldn't really talk to him or kiss him (and Lovi's kisses were like magical chocolate that made everything better, Antonio swears he's addicted).

He's terrified, almost not wanting to get out of the car until Lovino comes out of his own car with an umbrella (acting so cute and chivalrous), then he gets the nerve to get out of the car he just laughs at Lovi because it's not really raining, Lovi has a _rainbow _umbrella, and Lovi knows he hates using umbrellas. He doesn't tell Lovi how much he being there helped, and made going into the car so much easier (what was he supposed to say to Lovi's abuelo anyway?), he just laughs.

Antonio brought videogames because Lovi's idea of a first date is at his house where his Abuelo constantly checks on them (and later when they get home Feli and Marcello also pop in) and the only warning they have someone is coming into the bonus room is a dog gate since they're not supposed to close the door and Antonio's nerves are on end. But they only play on Lovi's vintage Nintendo 64 for a little bit before Antonio realizes this is a _date _and he decides to act like a tease while Lovi is playing something (plus Lovi's abuelo had left for a bit to get lunch, so it was just them and the dog). He's really only just snuggling, curled up next to Lovi before Aster (Feliciano's dogsitting Ludwig's dog) comes in and squeezes himself between Antonio and Lovino. Lovino then is able to concentrate on Castlevania and Antonio can only pout at the dog for butting in. Lovino only laughs before a tree falls in the game and both Antonio and Lovino jump out of their skin.

Antonio didn't expect to be so tired during the date (being wide-awake from worry about the _date_ and his Papa's messages that basically proved that he could care less about Antonio and more about some slut he was on the phone with), but Lovi only complained half-heartedly when Antonio snuggled against him (finally Feli found Aster and took him away), and when Lovino dropped the controller to run his hand through Antonio's hair, Antonio couldn't have been happier. Soon after, he's managed to get Lovino to lie down with him, and Lovi rubs his back making Antonio just sigh, smiling way too widely until Lovino moves Antonio's back is too his chest and Antonio has never been in this position before as Lovino is behind him, cuddling with him while muttering soft curses (usually because of Antonio's height he's the one cuddling Lovi from behind). He gets comfortable and allows his eyes to stay closed, for the first time in a while he goes into a sleep-like state without the notes of a guitar strumming in the background (Lovi's hesitant, so shy hums reluctantly replace familiar chords).

They only stop when Nonno comes in with some pie and dinner (Antonio is offered grapes and chips, but it's obvious what he wants when his eyes light up at the mention of tomatoes). Right before Nonno comes in Lovino is quickly fixing his hair, hissing quiet curses at Antonio for even touching it before he turns and his eyes widen.

"Shit Antonio, your hairs a mess!"

When Lovi's Nonno comes in a second after Lovino's hands stop messing with Antonio's hair, Antonio swears he hears him chuckle and say something about it, but he doesn't seem to mind too much that Antonio might have been cuddling Lovino.

After the date they don't really talk about the impromptu snuggle session (or the sweet and somewhat passionate kisses afterwards). Antonio doesn't really mind, he's too into his own little happy world to mind. Plus the tomates that Lovi snuck into his lunches told him that he also doesn't mind.

A couple days after Antonio starts to feel claustrophobic. He doesn't understand why, but he thinks it's just everything crashing down and he feels too exposed. Papa texting him earlier trying to blame Mama that he doesn't visit (Mama offered, but Papa refused because Mama said to take all the kids and not just one, so he's just lying like usual) doesn't help. Even Gil can tell something is wrong since Antonio sounds just so defeated when he's talking and it's his fault everything is going wrong that Gil and Francis just leave him, unable to comfort their friend, it's too painful for them to just watch as Antonio looks so down.

They must have told Lovi, because Lovino comes up to him between classes and he seems to be looking into his soul and at all the bad thoughts Antonio is thinking. Lovi isn't different than usual, the same frown and attitude, but just by looking at him Antonio relaxes.

"Idiot."

Then Lovi turns, walking to his own class and Antonio manages a smile, because that word means so much from "I love you" to "I'll talk later, so expect me to call and question you ruthlessly." Antonio wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
